Thursday, January 4, 2018

Hitler's Underoos

It was about fiddy years ago that ABS ran into Hitler’s uncle at Oktoberfest and after they had thrown back a few flagons of ancient ale, Hitler’s Uncle, Klaus, began to explain to ABS just how difficult life was for he and his wife;

During Dolphie's last year or so in office, me and the wife would go into town to buy some beer and sausages and every shop we’d go into, the owners would not make eye contact with us. They’d just nervously pick at their Lederhosen and stare down at their wooden clogs and rarely did they say more than a simple, yes or no.

Klaus then fell silent as he and ABS finished yet another flagon or two of belly-busting beer and as ABS got up to walk away, Klaus Hitler said;

Look mein freund, you look like a smart businessman. How’d you like to buy a few pairs of my uncle’s underoos?

I could get you some for, like, 200 Deutschmarks a pair…

ABS just excused himself and went back to the bar to get yet another flagon of ale and stare at the midgets doing the chicken dance but, even today, ABS kicks himself for missing such a golden opportunity to buy a few pairs of the mass murderer’s underoos.

Adolf Hitler’s underpants have been sold for £5,000 at an auction in the US

The infamous leader left his pants in the laundry after staying at an Austrian hotel in 1938
By Charlie Parker

24th September 2017, 10:55 am

Updated: 25th September 2017, 1:50 pm

THE 'pristine' underpants of fearsome führer Adolf Hitler have sold for £5,000 at an auction in the US.

The brutal dictator's briefs, which have a 'surprisingly large' 39-inch waist and are initialled 'A.H.', were left behind in a suite at the luxury Parkhotel Graz in Austria after he stayed there in April 1938.


Rear view... The Nazi leader's linen drawers were described as being in 'pristine' condition


Just the Reich fit... The pants were embroidered with Hitler's initials
The country had been annexed by Nazi Germany less than a month before Hitler and his henchmen's stay.

Auctioneer Bill Panagopulos said he believed the underwear was sent to the hotel's laundry department and were only returned after Hitler and his entourage had checked out.

The seller was the grandson of the hotel's owners at the time.

Bill, who owns Alexander Historical Auctions in Chesapeake City, Maryland, where the 19-inch long white linen shorts sold for $6,737 (£4,991) to a private buyer, said they were in 'pristine' condition.
He added: "People tend to either buy fearsome Hitler memorabilia, or things that make him look like a buffoon. such as this.
"To minimise a monster, you make people laugh at him. We've sold underwear belonging to Eva Braun, who was Hitler's wife, before, but never any belonging to Hitler himself. I think this is the first pair to come to market.
"They were retained in the family who owned the hotel, which is very prestigious, for almost 80 years, and when we got them they were wrapped in tissue paper in a box. They were as clean as if they had just come back from the cleaners.


History in Briefs... The front view of Hitler's underpants


The label inside reveals Hitler wore 'Schüler' undercrackers
"It's a fascinating thing. It's as close as you can get to Adolf Hitler, literally."
Bill, 58, who ruled out selling the shorts to any member of the political far right before the auction, added: "I imagine the buyer would probably frame the shorts. It would be the most talked about relic in the house."
Hitler stayed in the hotel a week before Germany's annexation of Austria was put to the Austrian people for ratification - 99.7% supported the move - and Bill believes Hitler was touring the country ahead of the vote.
The item's description read: "A monogrammed pair of Adolf Hitler's striped white linen under shorts. The shorts are surprisingly large - 19-inches long, with a waist of about 39 inches.

"There is a single button fly with another button closing the drawers at top, and two tabs adjust the size at the rear of the waist band. There are also two pairs of loops sewn on either side of the front of the waist band, whose purpose must have been to support the drawers in some fashion, probably fastening to the pants.
"It is no secret, of course, that Hitler was in general an atrocious dresser and preferred the loosest clothing, according to his valet, Karl Wilhelm Krause.
"The shorts bear his monogram 'A. H.' just to the right of the top of the fly. In as-new condition. They are accompanied by a notarized letter of provenance directly from our consignor. In the letter, he explains that he is the grandson of the previous owners of the Parkhotel Graz, Austria, where Hitler stayed April 3-4, 1938 while traveling through the country, and that these items were left behind in his suite."
A collarless shirt owned by Hitler also sold for $12,250 (£9,076).


  1. This is from The Onion, right? I love the reference to 'pristine condition.' Gag-making to think of the alternative!

  2. Dear Daughter of Mary. It would be wrong of ABS to falsely accuse The Onion of such poor writing.

    ABS confesses he wrote it his own self and the sole redeeming quality of it was to imagine Klaus making such a sweet reference to his Nephew, Dolphie.