Department of Agriculture created

On May 15, 1862 , The US Department of Agriculture was created and a little more than a century later, Green Acres * debuted on CBS in 1965 and one major result of this lengthy governmental conspiracy was that Americans first learned about County Extension Agents:

After an exhaustive investigation, and a lengthy nap, we at ABE Ministry are now able to report that one of the lesser known characters on that irreplaceable show, the farm handyman, Eb Dawson, is no longer with us as Eb.

No, Eb is now Ann Coulter:

The women we all now know as, Ann Coulter,  the cranky captious conservative chick columnist, was formally know to us as, "Eb Dawson," a character on "Green Acres." 

"Eb" was severely depressed after Green Acres was cancelled and so he submitted to genital mutilation and frequent estrogen injections that, surprisingly, left him bitter, and so now, as Ann Coulter, he writes a lot of columns about how we should bomb Mahometans in the Middle East so Christian Zionists can be safe shopping at Walmart.

* Since the completely unjustified cancellation of Green Acres American farmers were denied an important source of education and it is undeniable that the sudden decline in knowledge about agriculture and how to grow the products we all used to enjoy back in the 1960s has resulted in produce that no longer tastes as good as it used to back then and we at ABE Ministry think that dramatic qualitative difference is more attributable to the ineluctable consequences of canceling Green Acres than it is owing to our not smoking marijuana anymore.