ABS, where were you when you first heard the stunning news of Raider Fan's abdication?
Well, ABE, ABS was out at Lion Country Safari in Wellington performing exploratory surgery on
Mwendawazimu the Surly Simian and...
Excuse us Amateur Brain Surgeon...
O, call me ABS...
O, OK, ABS, thank you. But what does the name Mwendawazimu signify and how do you pronounce it?
It is Swahili and means insane and you pronounce the Surly Simian's name exactly the way it is spelled.
OK, very good; now, tell us about this insane simian; we can't imagine he was too pleased to see you arrive at Lion Country Safari wearing your white coat wheeling a huge luggage bag filled with sharp shiny surgical stuff...
Heh, no; in fact, although the surly simian is much much larger than this guy (and nowhere near as intelligent), our surly simian shot me a look that communicated a certain level of unwelcomness when he saw ABS
Yep. He was none too pleased but ABS was called because of the behavior of Mwen - that was my nickname for him..
So, what was up with Mwen anyway? What was his problem?
Well, one obvious problem was his smell. Even after being drenched in torrential downpours, his coat smelled just like the bottom of any Monkey's Cage in any zoo or preserve in any town in America.
But, the reason ABS was called in to conduct exploratory surgery was that every time a bus load of children from Le Petite Academy in Wellington toured Lion Country Safari, Mwen would grab handfuls of his own feces and pelt the bus with it; he would shriek and jump up and down and begin pawing at his penis, and as the tour driver floored it to get everyone away from his abusive behavior, the children in the back row of the bus could look back and see Mwen giving them the finger and laughing manically.
So how was the surgery?
Well, truth be told, ABS had to cut the procedure short once he was informed of the abdication...
What about poor Mwen?
Well, when ABS got the news, he was in the beast's brain up to his wrists and so he just grabbed a few handfuls of what appeared to have been the beast's brain and he chucked it into the nearest pond...
The alligators went nuts...
What is the status of Mwen?
Well, truth be told, the results of Mwen's surgery was a bit of a mixed bag in that he no longer has to live outside in the hot humid Florida heat but all he really does now is remain in a sitting position with a dull look on his face serving as a door stop for the Marketing Director.
ABS sometimes wonder if Mwen remembers the visits of the children of La Petite Academy and there is a part of ABS that likes to think the children of the Academy sort of secretly looked forward to seeing Mwen on their otherwise boring tours...
Great!! Is there anything you'd like to say about Raider Fan's abdication?
ABS is still in shock but this must at least be said about him - Raider Fan may have not been all that he was cracked up to be but at least he didn't have a ton of observable brain damage.