Using his extensive knowledge of, and experience in, the world of science *, ABS has developed a Happy Meal for Catholic adults that will make it easier for them to endure these perplexing days:
Heat
two quarts of Peanut Oil to 375 degrees.
Make
a Wonderbread sammich of Peanut Butter, Fluff, and Seedless Strawberry Jam
sprinkled with enough cinnamon so the inside of the sammich matches
the color of Oprah's ass and then fold the sammich together and
moisten the outside of it with honey; press into the honey three tablespoons of valium that have been crushed into tiny bits; spray the entire sandwich with a light coating of simple syrup and roll in a pie plate filled with crushed Count Chocula.
Then,
throw a huge batch of hand-cut potatoes into the hot peanut oil and
see if you can finish the sammich before the fries are done.
Once
the Fries are done, eat them while downing a huge Root Beer and
Vanilla Ice Cream Float and then fall asleep in a Lazy Boy watching
