Dear Amateur Brain Surgeon; Enclosed, please find the photo of the inside of my local worship space, St. Rita's in Wellington, Florida.
T'hell is it with those large pull down screens on each side of the sanctuary or whatever? I keep thinking that someday they will start to show "Previews of Coming Attractions" and we'll have to watch a trailer about Advent, Christmas, or like, Good Friday .
And do we really need slapped up on those screens copy and pastes from the damn bulletin telling us that next Sunday the community will be collecting chewable vitamins and velcro sneakers for the illegal aliens who have been invading and colonising Florida?
I'm jake with the chewable vitamins but why aren't these invaders learning to tie their shoelaces like those of us who work hard and play by the rules have to?
Whatever...
In any event, my main beef is with all of the hand-shaking during the "kiss of peace;" is that a flipping farce or what?
I am a 67 year old man and we never had this retarded rigamarole back when I was young because back when I was young we just had the Low Mass in Latin where I could silently doze off in one of the back pews while Father Jebbie-face raced through the Mass like he was a speed talker without eye-balling me like the presider tries to do now (I'll tell ya what, I never make eye-contact; I just stare down at my Missal, speaking of which, they cut out all the good parts about Hell and damnation and stuff; idiots)
Why can't it be the way it used to be, back before Pope Paul VI stole my Real Mass and substituted his anthropocentric happy meal for women and children in its place and which Lil' Licit Liturgy chased all of the men away -well, except for the sodomites and the social workers (sorry, redundant); why can't we have that back?
Signed,
Flummoxed
Dear Flummoxed.
First of all, how could ABS NOT find the enclosed photo? It is in the same envelope as your letter but you didn't begin your letter by asking me to find your enclosed letter, did you?
Don't ever do anything like that again, Capiche?
OK, sorry; Amateur Brain Surgeon has been a little on edge lately what with Our Pope and Our Cross and all of his Church hacks about no judging and annulments and what not and ABS lives in fear and dread about the Sacramental hacks he will be abusing us with at the October Synod.
Now, back to your complaints, all of which are too legit to quit (ABS is all about oblique references to pop culture).
First of all, as a normal 67 year old man, ABS is going to assume you know what is important in life - such as finding a tiny female Doctor with slim, skinny, fingers because you are at the age when you will have to have a prostate exam and you do not want to have as your Doctor some muscular man with fat fingers unless you are CNN's Anderson Cooper who likes to take it in the pooper.
No, as a normal man you are naturally repulsed and sickened by all of the glad-handing and hugging during the Kiss of Peace in the local Palm Beach County Franchise of Dead Diocese, Inc. America.
Think about it for a minute; the Priest has just confected the Eucharist and the accidents of bread and wine have undergone a radical transformation in their substance for their substance has been changed into the Body and Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ - HE IS ON THE ALTAR - and THAT is the time we are directed to turn our attention away from Him and focus it on each other?
Who was the lunatic who thunk up this bullshit?
Well, whomever it was you can bet your bottom dollar that were he to enter a room, he'd be none too pleased to have you turn away from him and start hugging and shaking hands with your spouse, children, pew pals etc.
Now, imagine it is your Creator, Redeemer, and Saviour suddenly substantially existing in your Sanctuary; do you really want to turn away from Him, the King of Heaven and Earth?
As to the rest of your points, they are all spot on but as a man, your are screwed, Dude.
The Shadow Church is run by sodomites for the benefit of faggots, women, and children and they do not care if you come to their Lil' Liturgy or not but if you do come they expect you to just clam-up and they will shake their powerful fingers in your face via this new rite and they know you can't do jack shit about it.
So, check out the Byzantine Rite Divine Liturgy of Saint John Chrysostom at Our Lady of the Sign Catholic Church, 7311 Lyons Rd, Coconut Creek, Florida.
The Byzantine's refused to let their Divine Liturgy be stolen by revolutionaries and their D. L. is good, true, beautiful, and masculine and the Byzantine's don't hate men.
Hang in there flummoxed and don't forget to stock your wine fridge with some quality cabernet and stick a bottle of Chartreuse in your freezer.
You're gonna need it, trust me.