It's always darkest before the storm is the third track to be heard on Amateur Brain Surgeon’s debut album, Shootin it, an original collection of the puissant poetry of Amateur Brain Surgeon set to song.
It’s always darkest before the storm
Keep it quiet don’t say nothing especially don’t you rag
about the time you jumped a fence and a ball fell out yer bag
don’t compare your life to the men who are doing well
don’t you dare tempt fate saying your Heaven is really Hell
cause that’s when fate will hit you with the blivet of the Universal Norm
You think you got it bad now but it’s always darkest before the storm
Poor Bob the angry slob thought he’d seen the worst
when that Navy guy took out his eye and left him feeling cursed
but the short order cook neglected to remember that grave universal norm
when you think you’ve seen the worst it is always darkest before the storm
Keep it quiet don’t say nothing especially don’t you rag
about the time you jumped a fence and a ball fell out yer bag
don’t compare your life to the men who are doing well
don’t you dare tempt fate saying your Heaven is really Hell
cause that’s when fate will hit you with the blivet of the Universal Norm
You think you got it bad now but it’s always darkest before the storm
Name’s Bob an angry slob I’m a one-eyed cook down at the Diner
my life was finally working -out and nothing could’ve been finer
then suddenly it all went haywire when my pretty gal Fatima
that illegal alien somehow found out I’ve got diabetic macular edema
Keep it quiet don’t say nothing especially don’t you rag
about the time you jumped a fence and a ball fell out yer bag
don’t compare your life to the men who are doing well
don’t you dare tempt fate saying your Heaven is really Hell
cause that’s when fate will hit you with the blivet of the Universal Norm
You think you got it bad now but it’s always darkest before the storm
The widow Johnson was depressed and lonely after her hubby returned to dust
but genetics had given her a beautiful bottom and a more than ample bust
Saturday night at The Odd Fellows Hall she hooked up with a guy named Trent
first time they got nekkid together she wondered were his pecker had went
Keep it quiet don’t say nothing especially don’t you rag
about the time you jumped a fence and a ball fell out yer bag
don’t compare your life to the men who are doing well
don’t you dare tempt fate saying your Heaven is really Hell
cause that’s when fate will hit you with the blivet of the Universal Norm
You think you got it bad now but it’s always darkest before the storm
Widow Johnson was out of touch been raised in the country by granny
so she never thought it odd that Trent had a better looking fanny
sure he had delicate hands but a guy without a dink
I’ve been tricked by this woman is what she began to think
Keep it quiet don’t say nothing especially don’t you rag
about the time you jumped a fence and a ball fell out yer bag
don’t compare your life to the men who are doing well
don’t you dare tempt fate saying your Heaven is really Hell
cause that’s when fate will hit you with the blivet of the Universal Norm
You think you got it bad now but it’s always darkest before the storm
There was this uber driver a poor divorced mook named Jack
who drove slowly to the meet-up parked his Nissan way out back
sullen and angry he sat there I’ll never get a tip from Paul
he’s prolly just some retarded fat janitor working at this crummy Mall
Keep it quiet don’t say nothing especially don’t you rag
about the time you jumped a fence and a ball fell out yer bag
don’t compare your life to the men who are doing well
don’t you dare tempt fate saying your Heaven is really Hell
cause that’s when fate will hit you with the blivet of the Universal Norm
You think you got it bad now but it’s always darkest before the storm
As Jack sat there waiting Fluffy-Face Princess Grace suddenly attacked his car
It viciously scratched up all of the paint vindictively shat on the roof of his car
Told the insurance agent the cause of the damage was nothing but the Gospel truth
but then poor Jack was arrested ‘cause he knocked out the laughing agent’s tooth.
Keep it quiet don’t say nothing especially don’t you rag
about the time you jumped a fence and a ball fell out yer bag
don’t compare your life to the men who are doing well
don’t you dare tempt fate saying your Heaven is really Hell
cause that’s when fate will hit you with the blivet of the Universal Norm
You think you got it bad now but it’s always darkest before the storm