Amish odds and ends

If an Amish child becomes autistic he is traded to the Mennonites for wooden luggage or a basket of radishes.

The Amish do not normally allow for vaccinations because of something or other; prolly it is because Amish vaccinators use macrame corn husks as the bellows which quickens the flames under the clay pots which produces the steam which is the power that makes the wooden needles turn so agonisingly slow. 

Mennonite gangs routinely play pranks on Amish women by arranging for dates with them but then show-up for the dates driving riding lawn mowers.

If an Amish gang member (The Ezechiel Eleven, we ain't from Heaven, is a famous one) is outside after sundown he is considered to be doing the Debbil's bidness and he is barred from climbing a ladder during the next barn raising.

The Amish wait until quite late before deciding whether or nor to accept Baptism. If they do not accept Baptism, they are denounced and sold into slavery to the Mennonites who force them to make wooden luggage, but if they do accept Baptism, the lucky person is tossed into the nearest pond and brained with a dizzying assortment of heirloom apples as the Old German Hymn, You're in the water duck, is sung by the herb-huffing bohunks, while the local Bishop delivers a sermon that ends with the traditional explanation of the use of apples; Well, truth be told, we really can't remember why we brain the newly Baptised with apples but I think it has something to do with Genesis and, besides, it is our tradition.

Many Amish leaders wear shoes constructed solely of hollowed-out butternut squash while their sons just stand barefoot by their side idly kicking over towers of horse turds and muttering, scheisse, repeatedly.


The natural and nationalistic religion of these poor deluded folks will lead to a bad ending but they refuse to leave their putative security blanket and strike out for Jerusalem to join the King.






ABS, this is not good. In this age of ecumenical tolerance, shouldn't you be emphasising what unites us rather than what divides us?

No. Do you find that this post is too churlish?

Duh...