ABS was watching the History Channel yesterday and, surprisingly enough, there was a special being broadcast that had nothing to do with Hitler or the Nazis.
It was a show that investigated the origins of the descriptor WASP and how it was first applied to the Pilgrims.
It seems that when the Pilgrims crashed their ships onto Plymouth Rocks only a few made it to shore safely because most of their clothing had been weighed down by sea water and their wooden shoes had become filled with mussels, clams and oysters and because the Pilgrims were notoriously bad swimmers most of them drowned on the spot.
But not Miles Standish. He had shed his clothing and shoes and was wearing only his cabbage leaf underoos and his hat and so he was able to make it to shore.
The few women who did made it to shore had been in the water for the first time in decades and they were, for the most part, fat, ugly, stupid and smelly women whereas the Lil' Princess looked a lot like the imaginary mascot who used to grace the packaging of The Land O Lakes products except that she was not dressed like the modest maiden but, rather, was sporting a corset made out of a beaver pelt and whale bones that tended to set fire to the imagination of men.
The Pilgrims who did survive were not on dry land for more than two minutes before the CFO ("Chief" for short) of The Wampanoag Tribe came to introduce himself to the Pilgrim leader he later came to know was named Miles Standish;
Wadup Milkface and why are you staring so intently at my Lil' Princess?
Ignoring all of the corn cobs protruding from the pockets of his deer skin outfit and barely even glancing at the Turkey Feathers gleaming in the sun of The CFO's gigantic head dress, Miles Standish started to stammer and stutter and The Chief looked below the Baby Seal Head Buckle of Standish's belt and sarcastically said to one of his braves an injun phrase that French Jesuit Missionaries later told the new world squatters could be roughly translated as, Pilgrim WASP.
Pilgrim With A Stiff Penis.