We at ABE * Ministry have drafted a list of mortal sins for men and this list can serve as an examination of conscience prior to one's next Confession.
ABE Ministry was constrained to develop this new list of 40 mortal sins because the old traditional ones are not taken seriously anymore; at most, they are considered mistakes or faults which are superfluous/ unnecessary to confess since the conclusion of the BCE ** Vatican Two because, as the new theologians tell us, our sins are forgiven even before we confess them.
Without any further introduction/explanation, here is the new list of mortal sins that men can commit.
1. Thinking Injuns are morally superior to all other men
2. Has watched the men's olympic ice skating competition
3. Thinking anyone can be a Mexican
4. Thinking there exists such a being as an attractive 40 y.o. Greek woman.
5. Thinking spoken German is sexy
6. Thinking alcoholism is a disease
7. Thinking Tom and Jerry is funnier than Bugs Bunny
8. Purchased a book recommended by Oprah.
9. Watched Oprah.
10. Skipped; especially as a teen or adult.
11. Wore a Nehru jacket.
12. Stole rental bowling shoes
13. Bought a Barry Manilow album
14. Laughed at a Nancy cartoon panel
15. Believes in macro evolution
16. Denies Pluto is a planet
17. Carried a Superhero lunchbox.
18. Pridefully details to other men his healthy food choices
19. Drinks for reasons of health
20. Continues to vote in national elections
21. Thinks science is objective
22. Rooted for Dexter to be caught
23. Thinks football is too violent
24. Has a desire to be the sort of a Catholic Jews approve of
25. Fears being called anti-semitic more than his death with mortal sins unconfessed
26. Has received Communion in the hand.
27. Approves of altar girls
28. Has received Communion from a Deacon or EMHC
29. Really does like Eagle's Wings
30. Put a dime in his penny loafers claiming that proved he was descended from European royalty.
31. Appreciated the Black Panthers
34. Listened to Pete Seeger
35. Considered Billy Graham a preacher
36. Does not let Jehovah Witnesses into his house to evangelise them
37. Goes to Mass on Saturday to get it out of the way
38. Answered yes to his wife's question, Does this make my ass look big?
39. Admitted to a cop that he had more than two beers
40. Never drove over 100 mph.
* Against Basically Everything
** Bestest Council Ever