Vermont Life
ABS was born into a large Irish-Algonquin family in Vermont, an attractive but slovenly socialist state considered by many to be America's gateway to incest, insanity and insipidity.
Vermont is a tourist attraction of sorts in that it is a poor state that many think is quaint and so folks in L.L. Bean Boots and Buffalo Plaid shirts visit Vermont to camp there and join international ecological hikes around poorly maintained farms and polluted backwater ponds teeming with tadpoles and diseased perch with two heads and several eyes.
Fascinated tourists vie with one another for a cherished spot from which to record on their smart phones vids of the fish repeatedly slamming into discarded tires and the charred remains of what was left of The Deacon's Bench after Gibby The Grinning Goon, The Village Idiot, accidentally burned down the Perkinsville Parsonage.
Many in Perkinsville still to this day do not believe Gibby, who was seen walking around with a lighted Hurricane Lantern in his hand by Sheriff Walker earlier that evening, when he says he has no idea how the fire started but all agree that except for the death of the Parson Robert Hoy's four kittens, six chickens and Billy Boy, his lucky three-legged goat, relatively little damage was done, unless you also figured-in the loss of both floors of the Parsonage along with nearly all of the attic, including the stuffed penguin wearing a Luftwaffe uniform and the dozens of collectable empty beer cans he was keeping safe for friends of his.
Because we will be later speaking abut Woodstock, it is worth noting that Parson Hoy taught the poetry of Robert Frost and foreign language, "The King's English" at Woodstock Day School.
Vermont leads the nation in traumatic brain injuries as stoned skiers are forever crashing into giant trees and it also leads so-called New England in the production of irksome politicians like the Commie bastid from Burlington, Bernie Sanders, and the equally offensive bastid, Patrick Leahy, who has been in the United States Senate since before Hawaii became a state.
Vermont also leads the nation in the production of God's Eyes and there are numerous catalogues available that highlight the Green Mountains Arts Community which is famously populated by socialist sodomites and communist cranks.
Most female adolescents spend their high school years trying to get knocked up so they can get on welfare and support their shiftless boyfriends who spend all day long in their Welfare Mom's basement playing video games while telling everyone they are actors and DJs.
Once the thriving WWJD industry went south, not a few enterprising Vermonters turned their dilapidated barns into warehouses for the uncountable number of WWJD products - watches, shirts, wrist bands, head bands, Kazoos for bands, socks, jocks, clocks, tackle box locks, children's underoos, Toaster Cozies, Tea Pot Cozies, plastic Posies, and all manner of bumper stickers - and now scores of barns in the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont are housing scores of thousands of invaluable WWJD products.
Here is a typical joke that involves a Yankee native of Vermont and an obviously rich vacationer from Connecticut who drives up to the porch of a Yankee who has just finished his chores and is trying to relax:
Connecticut Visitor; Say, excuse me, Sir, is this the road to Proctorsville Gulf?
Vermont Yankee: Yes, just go up the road a piece and turn left by the old Jenkins Farm; no, wait, that won't work. Go right until you pass Old Man Wilkin's mill and then, nope. That won't work either.
Sorry, you can't get there from here.
Like most things of value in Vermont - good looking women, hunting dogs, tractors, rifles, fly fishing rods, potatoes and this routine - this joke was stolen from a Mainer.