Dear ABS

Dear ABS.  About a week or so ago me and my pals were over at the Sidearms & Scotch Sipping Saloon - just outside the entrance to the Everglades - and we were all turned towards the huge painting in the long hall so we could toast Robert E. Lee who is beautifully pictured in that painting when one of my pals said, "I sure wish we had Ol' Robert alive with us, I'd follow Ol' Marse into Hell but this Obama piece of Muslim shit just drives me plumb loco" and some stranger (he had a rental car parked out in the lot) started whispering, "Shitteh me Thou?" as he turned and walked out of the bar.

And it's a good thing he did cause he looked awful faggy and he was about to get his ass whipped for talking whilst we were toasting Ol' Marse Robert.

Anyways, my point is, he stole them words from you didn't he? Yeah, he did cause, oncet, I read a piece you wrote and you used them words.

I love those words and every once in a while I use 'em at the saloon and it always brings the boys up short because they sound as though they are words taken from the King James version of the Old Testament and the good ol' boys I hang around with loves them some King James, even if they really don't read  the bible that much anymore.

Anyways, that is that, but let me move on to one of the major beefs I have with modern life.

If you're anything like me, you have about had it with the nitwits who make comments on a website that has recipes.

I assume you know what I am talking about, the ones where you go looking for a recipe for, say, mac and cheese, and you click on the recipe and read it and you think, man, my buddy, Dale Lee Crowder, is gonna love this when he comes over to watch NASCAR  but then you make the mistake of clicking on the reviews and you get some prissy picky bitch, (I'll betcha she is a flat-chested skinny spinster what ain't any fun in the sack) who says she made the recipe and it was GREAT!!! but she substituted no fat milk for the condensed milk, substituted no fat cheese for the cheddar cheese, substituted plain yogurt for the butter, and on and on and on until I like to take out my damn pistol and put a friggin' bullet through the screen.

I tell ya. ABS, Billy Sol Estes wouldn't have fed her crap to his hogs.

There, that felt better; but the real reason I am writing is that at our Mario Cuomo worship and gathering space in Fruitville, Florida, we had some damn feminist give a speech saying that women should be priests and she said that after arriving here on a bus.  A damn BUS for cry'n'out loud.

T'hell is she thinking? 

Her name is Sister Simone and she said that Jesus and Justice is always intertwined and that both begin with the letter, "J."

No, I shit you not; that is an exact quote, or pretty damn close to it.

I was so pissed-off that I wrote her a post card pointing out that Sister and a Sistern full of shit both begin with, S, but Dale Lee pointed out that cistern actually begins with a, "C."

DAMMIT!!!  I know he's right because he got his GED - Lord, doesn't he like to lord THAT over me...

I tell ya, Amateur Brain Surgeon, all of this liberalism has cause me to experience what can only be described as complete flummification.

Any advice?

Signed,

Flummoxed in Fruitville.

Dear Flummoxed in Fruitville.

ABS hears ya, buddy; and he knows just what you are talking about when you mention recipes and the comments by nitwits who change everything while claiming it is the same.

Ya know, she is no different than the sumbitches who changed the Mass, made major substitutions in it, and yet claim that the Lil' Licit Liturgy is the same as the Real Mass.

It ain't and anybody who, like Amateur Bain Surgeon, is the same age as Israel, knows it because he used to go to the real Mass which is close to where you live; that is, you can go to a Real Mass at Christ the King Chapel Church in Sarasota.  Do it, and bring your pals, even though they are prolly Bapbdists, Evangelicals, or snake handlers but that makes no difference as the mystery presented to them in the Real Mass attracts real men and it will likely win their hearts because one wants to follow Jesus into Heaven and they will forget about the lost cause and following Ol' Marse Robert into Hell.

You know that Faggy guy whose ass you were gonna whip? He'd like the Lil' Licit Liturgy because it is an anthropocentric Happy Meal for women, children, and fags.

Click on the video below and be introduced to the Real Mass by Father Calvin Goodwin (He was our Trad Study Group spiritual advisor back when ABS lived in Portland, Maine)

http://www.lms.org.uk/resources/comparison-between-the-traditional-and-novus-ordo-missals

Amateur Brain Surgeon fears he may be generating a sense that he does not like or respect the good ol' boys, the Southrons, when nothing could be further from the truth.

In this crummy country, it is the good ol' boys of the South who embody an ethos almost entirely extinguished and although the CSA was definitely not Catholic, it was traditional and real  southern Catholic men were admired and accorded proper respect.

Of course, it is ironic that the Lil' Licit Liturgy is nearly as noisy and unsettling as this; 

But, as the handsome and intelligent man who uses the S/N Alpha Catholic, rightly, observes,

Chilling. The sound of courageous men facing impossible odds. Intellectual Dixie is the last redoubt of political liberty in America and it survives in the memories of real men.

There IS a reason why Yankees (Yes, Virginia, Obama and Hilary are both Yankees) hate and fear the South and why they continually wage intellectual war against it

ABS dissing southrons?  Shitteth me thou?

Far from being one who hates or devalues the good ol' boys, ABS loves them and supports all the good that they do...