At a 1967 news conference in Washington, a dejected, and prolly low-T, Gen. William Westmoreland, senior U.S. commander in South Vietnam, nursing "A nuclear atomic splitting gol durn headache," caused controversy by saying that the enemy had “gained support in the United States that gives the North Vietnam Commies hope that those little yellow bastards can win politically that which they cannot win militarily.
You would have thought they were happy that JFK assassinated what's his face, Diem, but, nooooo...”
Though he said that, “Ninety-five percent of the people were behind the United States effort in Vietnam,” he asserted that the American soldiers in Vietnam were “dismayed, and so am I, by recent unpatriotic acts at home by homosexuals and pot-smoking drifters who go on the road and read Camus and go to Art museums to stare vacantly at the perverted products of the French Impressionists and paintings of nekkid islanders, although there is really no difference between the French commie bastids and the quiche cooking queers, if ya catch my drift.”
"I understand," continued the beleaguered General," that Jane Fonda will soon be starring in a science-fiction motion picture called, Barbarella, a movie in which she gets all dolled-up like a space slut and gets felt-up and stuff by space aliens and if what I am told by General Buck Turgidson is true, that movie is a commie inspired plot that will cause the vital fluids of our young men to be placed in grave danger, and that, along with fluoridation and the new math, is going to rip Lady Liberty a huge new hole in her keister through which hordes of paint-huffing Hondurans will run to come here and go on welfare, dress-up like Peruvians, and show-up at Arts and Crafts Fairs in So. Flo. and drive men absolutely nuts playing those FN flutes and talking about the Andes or some shit like that , if ya catch my drift."
This criticism of the antiwar movement was not received well by many in and out of the antiwar movement, who believed it was their right to wear mini skirts, listen to The Beatles, smoke marijuana, wear bell bottoms, slow dance in public, French Kiss before Marriage, and watch The Monkees.
"John Wayne, " the grumpy General grimaced, "is turning over in his grave," forgetting, apparently, that the tall, manly, horse-riding honcho, was still very much alive and preparing to drag America's ass to victory in 'Nam by filming, "The Green Berets."
Asked for a comment on the General's statement, POTUS, Lyndon Johnson said, "I thought that I fired that asshole..Tell ya what, I'll speak to him tonight over by the Lincoln Memorial and beat him to death with my viet dong."
Did you know that's what Lady Bird calls it?
Lady Bird *, asked about the strange comment while planting some violets in the median of the beltway said; " It's true what The POTUS says; I took to calling Lyndon's Johnson, the Viet Dong, because it kept attacking me when I wasn't prepared."
* NBA and Boston Celtic great, Larry Bird, was named after Lady Bird and many Los Angeles Lakers fans think he looks like her.
