Monday, January 1, 2018

What to do with Franciscus? Sell him.

People often ask the Pope to sell the treasures of the Vatican and give the money to the poor but one, sadly, never hears the Curia advising the Church to sell Franciscus on Ebay and then give the money to some traditional order that offers the real Mass.

It certainly would not be simony and surely some wealthy Mahometan, Piskie, or Sacred-Underoos-wearing Mormon would like to own this chatty chaff with the cheap shoes if only to set him out in some field to keep the crows away from the corn.

It was with this as a subtext that ABE Ministry (Against Basically Everything) surveyed many family members and friends about their thoughts about Our Pope and Our Cross and the results were interesting;

18% of the respondents stuck their fingers in their ears and began to scream, NOOoooooo, please don't even mention his name; he makes me mental.

31% of the respondents were quite tipsy, if not bombed (well, it is an Irish-Algonquin family), when surveyed and they simply sarcastically said, Feck off, and poured another glass of what it was they were drinking.

However, 51%, a clear and convincing majority, said, Sell him.

Sell Franciscus?

Yes, that is the surprising result of the annual Papal Survey and while selling a Pope on Ebay would be contrary to Tradition, such an action would be in keeping with the ceaseless revolutionary ecclesiastical praxis since 1960, so, why not?

This is the Church of the people and the people have spoken.

Sell the Pope, not the Papacy.

The Founder and Chairman of ABE Ministry, Amateur Brain Surgeon, would like to contribute to the effort by suggesting a few sales pitches:

He comes with a title of authenticity

He chased 500 of the faithful out of Vatican employment during Christmastide in 2014 so just imagine how easy it will be for him to chase crows out of your cornfield in May.

We include this vid of Stone the Crows band because the expression, Stone The Crows, was on the minds of many traditionalists aware of who Bergolio was when announcement of his election was made and he took the name, Francis.


  1. Hey, ABS I like your style. It's crisp, crunch and calculated while having nice Churchy ring to it.

    Anyway how about using your talents to comment on Crisis magazine blog I think I am one of the few Traditional Catholic commenting and getting abused. Just for a penitential exercise why don't you give it a try?

    1. Michael, the trouble is that you wouldn't get much for Pope Francis if you tried to sell him.

    2. ABS re: Crisis Magazine. Please give Crisis a try. I think they are moving in the right direction. Anyway, I would appreciate some Traditional company in the comment section.

    3. Dear Mr. Dowd. Thanks for the kind word but as for Crisis, ABS already has been to too many places uninterested in the Faith once delivered.

  2. Fred is right: this Pope is pre-owned tainted goods, a shill for homosexuals, atheists, Marxists and thugs, so he's not worth a single bitcoin. You could find a better deal on a used Pope lot.

    1. The world, our ancient and permanent enemy, loves him.

      He'd fetch a princely sum on Ebay.

  3. Maybe we could encourage him to buy himself! He'd probably go for that because it appears no one, or no thing has as much value, and is to be prized more…

    This blog is going to be fun, interesting, and I hope inspiring in weeks to come (if we have weeks to come…).

  4. Please be careful in jesting about the Pope, or Antipope, as what you say on the net spreads far and wide. I try to remember, no matter what he says, that Christ's own people, religious as they were, missed it when it came to their Messiah because His teaching and actions offended them. Francis offends me also. I don't care for his style.I don't care for, particularly, his Amoris Laetitiae. But, I will tell you, it's been done in liberal dioceses already for many years. I know first hand, as my marriage was annulled. My husband remarried in the Church. I challenged the annulment, and there were 8 canon law violations. I went to a very orthodox Priest, and he consulted a very orthodox Jesuit spiritual director, and I was told to leave it be. My husband continues to receive Communion. The whole sordid mess is barfable.(new word?) .

  5. Dear Roseanne. ABS can not imagine what it is you are going through for the very Church that is supposed to save and succor us is, far too often, a church that badgers and/or brutalises us.

    What happened to you is yet another sign that many in the Hierarchy no longer take the sacraments seriously but have become too anthropocentric.

    As for joking abut the Pope, ABS does that because he takes the Papacy seriously.

    Barfable is a fine word because it describes the truth of your situation.