There'll never be a cat in Heaven is the second track to be heard on Amateur Brain Surgeon’s debut album, Shootin it, an original collection of the puissant poetry of Amateur Brain Surgeon set to song.
There'll never be a cat in Heaven
A mountain or a moon is a much better gift
than a man who sometimes lies
a tree or a song or a young child's smile
or a cloud dancing 'cross the sky
the delicate ice on a bare old birch
the calm of a storm in its eye
things I'd like to give you
things I can not buy
I've always said that if you stuck with me
I'd end my admittedly captious odd ways
and I know your patience is running out
but just give me a few more days
I swear, darlin', you can count on me
I've changed my bad old ways
A mountain or a moon is a much better gift
than a man who sometimes lies
a tree or a song or a young child's smile
or a cloud dancing 'cross the sky
the delicate ice on a bare old birch
the calm of a storm in its eye
things I'd like to give you
things I can not buy
You keep bringing-up the time you caught me
standing with a Wiffle Ball Bat
screaming imprecations and threatening your irksome cat
I wasn't gonna ice her I was just trying to get my point across
that I am King of my castle and she ain't ever gonna be my boss
A mountain or a moon is a much better gift
than a man who sometimes lies
a tree or a song or a young child's smile
or a cloud dancing 'cross the sky
the delicate ice on a bare old birch
the calm of a storm in its eye
things I'd like to give you
things I can not buy
Remember the time you and your friends went on that woman's retreat
the day after you left I woke to her pooing on my feet
she had wicked diarear it was fetid and flowing fast
If I'd caught Fluffy Face Princess Grace
that day would've been her last.
A mountain or a moon is a much better gift
than a man who sometimes lies
a tree or a song or a young child's smile
or a cloud dancing 'cross the sky
the delicate ice on a bare old birch
the calm of a storm in its eye
things I'd like to give you
things I can not buy
I chased her down the street and across widow Johnson's lawn
widow was up early Saturday morning mowing and weeding her lawn
I was running lickety-split but that scairty cat was ahauling ass
Just when I thought I'd catch her why I'd plumb run out of gas
A mountain or a moon is a much better gift
than a man who sometimes lies
a tree or a song or a young child's smile
or a cloud dancing 'cross the sky
the delicate ice on a bare old birch
the calm of a storm in its eye
things I'd like to give you
things I can not buy
Fluffy Face Princess Grace was really turning on the jets
there were faces pressed-up against the windows as we sped past the vets
saying that man with the Wiffle Ball Bat can really pick 'em up and put 'em down
and I'm sure bets were being placed as the chase headed directly downtown
A mountain or a moon is a much better gift
than a man who sometimes lies
a tree or a song or a young child's smile
or a cloud dancing 'cross the sky
the delicate ice on a bare old birch
the calm of a storm in its eye
things I'd like to give you
things I can not buy
I never did catch Fluffy Face Princess Grace
she's prolly still in hiding
the wife of course sued for divorce and in alimony I'm abiding
but 3+ 4 and 2 + 5 both have the sum of seven
so unless Satan is God there'll never be a cat in Heaven
A mountain or a moon is a much better gift
than a man who sometimes lies
a tree or a song or a young child's smile
or a cloud dancing 'cross the sky
the delicate ice on a bare old birch
the calm of a storm in its eye
things I'd like to give you
things I can not buy